- how can you like me when you don't even like yourself. you get mad at me for not agreeing or taking your compliments when you don't even accept mine. stop beating yourself up, and ranting at me for the mistakes you've made. i'm not going to go down your road. don't worry. quit with your assumptions. the only one who's supposed to be sensitive here is me. grow some balls then get back to me but until then you can walk it out.
- i love you so much, i don't even think you understand the amount, i bet you don't even believe it. as much as i fail to show you, you can't say that i never tried, my efforts are up and down, they only go down, because i feel like you're not being equal, and then i feel like i come off annoying. i don't mean to be selfish, but i like your attention and i know that i can't have all of it, but you don't understand how much you mean to me, and how much i deeply care about you. i am always here for you, it hurts me how much we drift away from each other, but i hope that later in the year, we become close and never depart because i can't handle it.
- you've changed, she changed you. i don't even know who you are anymore. 10 years down the drain, you dropped me for her, someone who would drop you if someone appeared to be better than you in any way. someone who walks all over you. now i know what you prefer. i guess i should have done that, looks like you like being bitched at, controlled over and walked on. thanks for wasting my time. i wish you the best, it won't be long til you become like her, oh wait... you already have. you remind me of lohan, wanna be mean girl. you're nothing to me now.
- i am questioning you and this. i will not put myself in a position to be hurt, and you're making me feel like i am. setting myself up for the let down is what i am know for. it is a new year and i will not do the same. so let me know, what your real plans are, what you are thinking because i am no mind reader. quit beating around the bush, because we haven't got a lot of time, get down to the point, if you don't have anything to bring to the table then don't sit here. isn't that understandable enough?
- you remind me of my thoughts, they are unwelcome but they still appear. you should be able to realize now that i don't need you around anymore. it's not my fault if you haven't caught on yet. you keep dragging on something that was done, ended and finished a long time ago. what we once had will never be again. ponder that, believe it and leave it. don't tell me you miss me or you love me because it will just backfire and make you feel worse because mutuality is not there.
- you can either be the pain in my ass, or the love in my heart. one thing i will always know is that i love you, even if i don't want to, don't need to, don't have to. it will always be there whether you and i like it or not. we've had our ups and downs, but i'm tired of fighting with you. i would like to have you in my life, talk to you, and see you be happy.
- you contradict yourself more than anyone i have ever known. you are hypocritical, unbelievably opposing, and full of discouragement. you don't deserve to be titled as anything important. i'm sick and tired of you taking me for granted all the time, i really don't appreciate it. wait til you need me. payback is a bitch, you'll be in debt forever.
- i like how close we are getting but i'm iffy about the fact if we will stay close, because from what i've noticed that with you; your friends come and go, or so it seems, and i wanna stay and not go, i don't want to drift apart, i would like to share things with you. i have shared a few experiences with you, and i loved it, and i want more. i feel so comfortable around you, and i hope we could grow into being something i never thought would happen, i never really did see us being ever close friends, but that's something i would like to try.
- i love listening to what you have to say, you are intriguing and i am so glad that you are still in my life. you are not like any other person that i have encountered. we've gone through so much together and as one, and you know that i'm always here for you, and that i care so much about you. you are so interesting. you are honest, and you have so many opinions and you are not afraid to voice them. you are beautiful and intelligent, and i really hope we keep in touch as years pass by, because i couldn't imagine not being there for you and watch you while you grow up. i'm excited.
- i'm ready to go right now.
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paigenmc- January 11th, 13:09
calm
- big girls don't cry
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- paigenmc
- August 2nd, 2008
i'm laying in bed lights on with my cousin in the spot next to me in bed we're both reading books she suggested it. i read up to page 40 still not feeling slightly tired only my eyes felt droopy from crying so much after hoping the book would help.. which it obviously had not. i tried to sleep i got up shut off the light and crawled into bed as my cousin quietly fell asleep as i tried to but miserably failed. i laid in bed for about 20 minutes perhaps more, in the dark with my eyes forcefully shut. i soon realize that i had tears almost plummeting from only my right eye but seeing how i was laying on my left side they rolled on my cheek over the bridge of my nose on to a quick fall on to my left cheek on to the pillow also hoping that my mascara that i had on doesn't leave a mark on the pillow in any evidence that i cried again after the incident my aunty my cousin and i recently had. i got up went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror to see that my eyes are a bit swollen from crying so much, i'm not so flattered seeing as how i hate crying. i was on the computer, it was around 12:36 midnight when we realized the tv/dvd work so we couldn't watch one tree hill. my aunty told me 'it's time for bed' and i said that i wasn't tired and i wouldnt be able to sleep i got up and made my way into the kitchen where the phone was and attempted to call my dad when i was asked why i dialed. i answered and said i want to go home and my cousin being tired and cranky; one being one tree hill didnt work and she looked forward to watching it and two she had to be up in the early morning to go to a friends wedding... it was a big commotion words that shouldnt have been said were spoken among ashamed lips. as the aunty who comforting me telling me that it's okay the aunty i once disrespected in certain ways and that i realized that i had been seriously taking her for granted. i'm so ashamed of myself that i had to get a smack in the face (verbally) to realize what i had been doing to someone who's been taking care of me so much and supporting me. i will be better and i sincerely apologize. my cousin as shes yelling as tears roll down my face... i could hardly breathe felt as if someone was standing on my chest waiting for my ribs to collapse on my heart 'cause of how cold it's been. a heart once gold now so rusted to the fact where you couldn't polish it to be the way it once was. apologies and hugs were given and recieved. this is my break point .... this is where i had realized i'm not as grown up as i thought i was or might be, i had been selfish, immature, disrespectful and inconsiderate, many of things that i hate in people and i found it in my self and found that i'm not impressed infact it's unbeliveable and i cannot understand why i treated people this way the people who care the most about me and that only want the best for me. i cannot change this but i can change my actions and my attitude and that i will definitely do. although i cannot change over night you and i both know that but i will change eventually, trust. this is where it begins.. forget everything of what i said before thats nothing this is where it is this is the truth this is realization this is another chance... this is... it.
- i promise you i will learn from my mistakes
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- paigenmc
- July 31st, 2008
- rejuvenated
i'm almost positive that it's safe to say that things are finally falling into place.... after many years of fucking around i'm real glad that it has come to an end i'm more determined than i have ever been and i'm excited to do new things and meet new people. i'm gonna promise myself, my mum, my dad, and everyone else who supports me that i will do better this year. i'll hopefully be enrolled at kildonan east, supposed to be going into grade eleven but i'm going to redo grade ten 'cause i barely went last year so i'm gonna smarten up, try harder, and keep motivated. my inspirations; my cousin harmony terin and my grade eight teacher mr. bohemier. i will apply myself and i will be more strong willed, stronger in general, and suck it up. i've let too many people down already including myself and i need to be better, i want to be better and now that i have a clutch on things ...at least for now, i'm going to try as hard as i can to keep it positive and always look on the bright side of things. i'm now in therapy for certain reasons and i'm hoping that this is what i've needed and if it's not then i'll always look to one person for help and one person only so it's basically a win-win situation not very often that comes along. i've never seen myself to be excited over something like this but i'm changing and i'm happy about this, i can't wait !! my lifes finally gonna get better... thanks to a few people. it's now time to apply myself, it's time to grow up, this is only the beginning. i'm preparing myself for a jump that i'm hoping that it will end up like a crowd surf of people who support me to help me not fall down keep me on my feet kind of thing.
- baby i know your afraid of a lot of things but don't be scared of love
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- paigenmc
- July 31st, 2008
- calm
never have i wanted anything more than to be loved...unconditionally, seriously. i'd like to be cuddled, kissed, hold hands with someone, to actually know that i'm their everything and that it would kill them if we fought, if i ever were to say that i'd leave but i wouldn't but still it would get them upset then i could tell them 'i'd never leave, i couldn't'. i want cute little words, sayings, letters; true words from deep down in your heart, call just to say hey because you miss my voice and you missed me. a faithful someone who will stay loyal and trust me just as much as i would ever trust them. keep me reassured because i'm surely going to doubt, but it's not my fault for thinking that it's too good to be true, just tell me that it is, keep me happy, keep me smiling. don't only hug me but give me a meaningful, sensual hug, i love those. i'd like to just wake up in the morning and be completely and utterly comfortable with whatever i am wearing and what i look like without worrying what that person thinks 'cause i know that they'll love me no matter what. it's the simplest things that one another could do for each other that could make one so happy however still have the same power to make you cry, crack your heart or make you feel like complete shit but still you continue on because you know that that same person is the only person the one who made you cry is the one that can make you forget that that person ever made a tear roll down your cheek by just making you smile and making your heart feel good. people have so much power some don't know but some take advantage of it. anyways what i'm trying to say is that i want love, although i do understand that i am only sixteen and i've got plenty of years ahead of me to find that and that i shouldn't even be worrying about that but it's the fact that the feeling you get once you get it you want more not only do you want it but you also need it as well... it's almost as if you're addicted to how happy you can be, how warm your heart can get and how much you don't even care about anything else, you forget all your worries, problems and concerns just because of one single human being on the earth it's a special thing to have and to feel and i want that and i'm pretty sure that many other people do, well people who don't have it already anyways. i want someone that i can give my all too, someone who will wait for me, be there for me, stay faithful and love me for my flaws and insecurities but maybe in reality.....that's just too much to ask for.
- whatever happened to always love you never leave you
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- paigenmc
- May 14th, 2008
blah
i don't really understand why you always complain that i never talk to you and never tell you what's going on in my life and what happens in it and what i am doing and or how i'm doing it's kind of hard to tell you my life story on MSN okay like i apologize but i can't do it and like when i don't answer within the ten seconds after you ask me you nudge me and accuse me of ignoring you i'm not superman i can't do everything once you're so impatient and i hate how i got that from you and you always always say that you miss me oh so much maybe you should have thought of that before you left you should have thought about how different it would be with me being millions of miles away oh that's right you were too busy being excited about the fact that your leaving and getting a fresh new start and assuming that i would come with you that was mistake number one leaving was mistake number two and thinking that life would be great and that you would be extremely happy was mistake number three but everyone makes mistakes you just make more than usual but i don't blame you i know life is tough but it's harder on you 'cause you don't understand most things and you don't know how to handle some things but you will learn and i hope you learn from your mistakes and know that i love you no matter what i'm just saying that you made a mistake leaving but i'm sure you realized that and that you should have thought of me before him and i should have been your top priority no questions asked but whatever things happen i guess i should have known better then tell you 'whatever makes you happy'
- i never wanted to fit in any place except your heart but we grew apart
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- paigenmc
- May 13th, 2008
- content
it's crazy how much things change and how quick it does to right before your eyes as well you don't realize it as much as you do when you actually stop to think about it think about the people that you used to be friends with but now you walk by each other pretending that you've never even spoke with them once listening to old songs and feel it bring back memories and how you wish that you could go back to how things were because they were so great although some songs may not bring back good memories they can bring bad but i'm talking about the good things change and that's how life is it's just so hard to accept that people move on and that it's hard for some but then again so easy for others i totally want to learn how to do that... move on easily as if you never even cared oh the things i wish i could do the people i wish i were still friends with but they are to much of changed person to be friends with it's hard to be friends with someone you don't even know once knew but drifted and they changed everything about themselves perhaps they could be an acquaintance but that's doesn't compare to the relationship you had with them in the past sure i've lost a few friends but i can't i didn't gain any because i obviously did they come they go only the true stay with you throughout whatever thick and thin i guess you could say i love true friends the one's that love you unconditionally and forgive you for whatever mistakes accidents or things you may do unless it were to be something horrid and unreasonable then that's a totally different story i guess what i am trying to say is that i can't begin to thank the people who stuck with me for a long time because it would never end 'cause it means a lot to me i can be a lot to handle and high maintenance but still! i thank those who are still at my side it seriously means a lot to me.
- i want to be somebody's gerry.
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- paigenmc
- May 12th, 2008
stressed
people think i like doing the things that i am doing i don't like not going to school i don't like staying up all night it literally kills me i don't fucking know what i am going to do when i'm older if i could change over night or even quicker trust i would if i could go to school everyday and be so good i would if i could fall asleep at 8:30pm and wake up so easily in the morning with no problem at all i would but that's not who i am that is not who i was made out to be school is not the place for me i cannot concentrate in such an environment with never-ending gossip and suffocating drama yes i do know that that's what high school's all about but that's sure as hell not who i am nor do i want to be put with that hardly anyone understands only a few and i totally appreciate that i just wish i could be a better person in more things the more important things at the least.
- broken hearts hurt but they make us strong.
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- paigenmc
- May 12th, 2008
forgive me for my mistakes for everybody else makes them although some may make little some may make large the choices i made got me where i am today yeah maybe i like where i am but maybe i don't i'm not too pleased with where i ended up and what i've become but in some ways i'd didn't make half the choices nor did i realize what i was becoming into until i became it i don't know who i am at all yet but i will know in the near future there is no rush i have people in my life that make life worth living however i do have people who make my life a living hell but hey that's life and you've gotta live it right there will be people who will make you upset but eventually you will find that there are more people that make you happy and that's what you've got to concentrate on and i never did i am realizing it now i've been too busy worrying about what other people think of me and thinking about how many mistakes i've made and all the regrets that i have but now i know i have people i have friends who care they are there for me and i know that they are and i hope that everyone of them realizes that they mean the world to me and i wouldn't trade them for anyone else i wouldn't start over life if i had the chance 'cause maybe i wouldn't have been able to have the opportunity of encountering you once more life is tough and you and i both know this some lives are tougher than some some are a piece of cake but take a look around you are still here and there are people here that care about you and you shouldn't take that for granted because you never know when they will leave nothing lasts forever just make the most of it sure some people don't have the greatest families in the world but there are friends and there's some relatives that your close to but don't ever lose touch 'cause they are truest thing to yourself that you've got if that makes any sense oh whatever it makes sense in my head stay true to yourself and love those who love you show love to those who show love to you 'cause if you don't they will eventually leave and show love to someone worth showing it to.
- i was always strong as long as we were a team.
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- paigenmc
- May 12th, 2008
i am not your typical everyday sixteen-year-old teenager. i think too much and i let the little things get to me. i am not courageous confident or the best thing that will ever happen to you. i am human i'm paige nicole i am not the greatest friend i am not the greatest family member i am not the greatest daughter i'm not the greatest girlfriend.. i'm just me. all i want is respect give respect get respect. accept me for my flaws look beyond them. i don't know what you need and i don't know what you want i am not a mind reader let's just take it slow just spill your heart out to me i will do the same just be real honesty is my top priority and i'd like to be yours. i do not show love until it is truly shown to me. i have lost people i have gained people no pain no gain right? i will not care until i know that you care about me. prove to me that you have something no one else has prove to me that you're not like all the rest prove to me that you can make me feel something no one else could possibly make me feel. i just want to know if what you have to offer is something that no one else can. i want to be loved i want to be needed take up my time and be able to read my mind unconditional love and trust stay faithful stay loyal to yourself myself and whoever. stay true to the one that stays true to you the one whom will be devoted to you as you will be devoted to them. does true love exist ? i don't know ask yourself that maybe it's right in front of you or maybe it's around the world you never know. i want to hear your thoughts and what you think daily. do you need me ? do you love me ? just let me know because i think too much and i just need closure or maybe i'm just being silly. i'm trying to change i apologize for those who don't like some parts of me i may be hypocritical i may be a bitch but most of the time i'm just trying to be better.
